The Death of Restraint
by ButterflySatan
Summary: "Bad things" can happen to anyone. When Karma is attacked, Nagisa finds himself in a world of self-hate. Karma is scared of his own fear. They have to learn to deal with things together, and it's a bumpy road to travel. Contains dark themes such as death, self-harm, and other angsty stuff. (Really bad summary). Karmagisa. Happy ending.
1. Worrying Pays Off

The Death of Restraint

Chapter One

 _There are always the assumptions that "bad things" only happen to strangers. Such things could not possibly happen to one's self or someone of a certain importance to that self. But, in all truth, those strangers felt the same way. Never believe that someone is ever completely safe, for in actuality, it is likely that "bad things" will happen._

Nagisa stared down in horror at a certain redhead that was sprawled across the floor. His eyes seemed to be pulsating, accentuating his fury. His breath came in short, quick pants. He felt his throat closing, and he felt like choking. But crying wouldn't help his friend.

Nagisa slowly raised his head so his gaze was directed at the man standing over Karma's limp form. The man who was holding a knife, with the blade stained red. The choking sensation disappeared, and his breathing stilled. Nagisa's eyes now only contained rage. Pure, horrifying anger that filled the attacker with dread. He started to back away, but it was too late for him.

In an instant, the small blunette was in his face. And the most terrifying part was not when his knife was pulled from his hand, or when it was held to his throat. It was the innocent smile plastered on the young assassin's face. A smile that would have looked precious at any other time, but then, it only held an awful lifelessness that sent shivers down the stranger's spine. Bloodlust, plain and simple. Nagisa had let go of his control. And it was not only the death of Nagisa's restraint; it was the death of Karma's assailant.

 **One week previously…**

Nagisa had been noticing oddities in Karma's behavior. The taller boy had been making less jabs at Nagisa, had been keeping his attitude down, and hadn't even been trying to assassinate their teacher. Needless to say, Nagisa was worried about his best friend.

He decided to question him one day after class. His redheaded friend was waiting for him outside of the building, as usual, and Nagisa felt a pang of uncertainty. Would he be invading his friend's privacy? But it was just a question, all he'd do was ask Karma if anything was wrong. If Karma didn't want to answer, that was fine. He'd respect his friend's choice, and trust him to tell Nagisa if anything serious was happening.

Walking up to Karma, Nagisa noticed something was off about his expression. It was hardly noticeable, but a tint of fear was reflected from his amber eyes. Worries and doubts began to fill Nagisa's head.

"Hey, Karma-kun." Nagisa greeted his friend as normally as possible, trying to keep any hints of hesitation or worry out of his voice. Karma dipped his head in response. He started to stride away, on their normal routes home. He was stopped when his smaller friend caught his sleeve. He looked troubled.

"Karma-kun… are you okay?" Karma found himself pondering his response. Then he silently told himself to stop being stupid. He was fine. He was always fine.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He put as much confidence in his voice as he could muster. No need for Nagisa to worry. "Don't be worried, stupid." It was hard to keep the tone of superiority.

"Good." But Nagisa had sensed the hesitation.

And that slight hesitation made Nagisa worry all the way home.

Once Nagisa was home, he checked his phone for any messages from Karma. He deeply wanted to believe that everything was fine, but there was a sensation of foreboding in the back of his mind, warning him to not let his guard down. Karma might be in trouble, and if he was, Nagisa was going to be ready to step in and help his friend. Like Karma would for him.

Nagisa wondered what could be bothering Karma. Was something going on at his home? He knew that Karma's parents weren't home often, opting to leave their son alone at the large house. They were very successful businesspeople, and their house was an obvious representation of their wealth. It was two stories and overly lavish. Nagisa had visited Karma's home before, and the inside was spared no exception to the rich decorations. But it was so empty. Everything was classy and clean, but it was like there were echoes throughout the hallways. The house didn't feel very homey. It was cold. Karma's parents hadn't been there, not walking through those spotless hallways. Karma's room had been the only exception, filled with odd trinkets and half-finished projects and piles of dirty clothes. Stacks of brightly colored notebooks were cluttered around the room in abundance.

Nagisa was a little envious of Karma's freedom. His own mother controlled every aspect of his life, and he longed to escape from her clutches. But he also realized that, beneath his cocky attitude and snide remarks, Karma was lonely.

Nagisa decided to visit his friend sometime that week, just as a reassurance. But, at the moment, his mother had been calling him down for dinner.

At school the next day, Karma wasn't present. Anxiety rooted in Nagisa's chest, and creeped into his heart. The day passed, and Nagisa couldn't keep his mind off of all the possibilities of dangerous situations the redhead could be in. Was he hurt? Was he in trouble? Did he get into a fight? Nagisa pulled his phone out for the hundredth time that day, checking for any texts from Karma. He ignored Koro-sensei's request to put his phone away, and felt the pit in his stomach grow.

 **Karma: Hey could you come over after school**

 **Karma: I don't really want to be alone**

 **Karma: Someone's been watching my house**

 **Karma: Never mind, Nagisa. Everything is fine. I was just overreacting.**

Nagisa sprang up from his seat, fear coursing through his petite body. His eyes stayed glued to his screen.

"Nagisa! Please take your seat!" His teacher demanded, while the rest of the class stared at him. Instead of following his instruction, Nagisa ran out of his classroom, blocking out calls of surprise from his classmates and shouts from Koro-sensei.

Outside of the building, he started to sprint down the mountain his classroom was perched on. On his run down, Nagisa stumbled and fell once or twice, cutting his face on a thorn when he landed on a bush. He winced, but he scrambled to his feet, concern for his friend overpowering any slight pain he might have felt.

Anyone else wouldn't have bothered about the texts, Karma had said he was okay. But Nagisa had been texting him for a while, and knew his friend's texting habits.

 _ **Never mind, Nagisa. Everything is fine. I was just overreacting.**_

The only problem Nagisa had with the text was the breaking of Karma's habit of not punctuating. He never used periods. Nagisa increased his speed. He prayed his friend was alright and that he was just overthinking it, but the sense of foreboding had returned, settling in his gut and yanking at it, pleading for Nagisa to check on his scarlet-haired friend.

When he reached the bottom, he bolted for the train. His foot tapped impatiently while waiting for it to come to the stop. When it finally arrived, Nagisa dashed onto it. His gut twisted further with every passing minute, filling him up with complete dread. His breathing was becoming heavier.

He had sent Karma a series of messages.

 **Nagisa: Are you okay?**

 **Nagisa: Karma, answer me.**

 **Nagisa: I'm getting worried, tell me you're alright. Please.**

But he didn't dare send that he was coming over. If someone had taken Karma's phone to send the other message to him, it would be better if they didn't know he was heading for them. If Karma was really in danger, Nagisa vowed to save him.

The train stopped. Nagisa ran out of it, and sprinted to Karma's street. He continued at full speed until he reached Karma's house. Relief flooded through him. Everything looked fine. Until his gaze settled on the doormat laid out in front of the door. It was where Karma kept his key. Nagisa had suggested he keep it with him, but Karma had refused, saying that he'd lose it.

Nagisa's eyebrows sunk down ever so slightly in confusion.

The right corner was not aligned with the left. It could have just been nudged when Karma stepped inside of his home, but Nagisa had to make sure.

He cautiously crept to the mat and hesitantly reached for it. He lifted the corner and pulled it off of the ground.

Black dread filled him, shock filling and chilling him. He was frozen.

The key was missing.

For the next few seconds, Nagisa stood perfectly still, heart pounding. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise.

Apprehensively, he wrapped his pale hand around the door knob. He turned it. The door clicked and swung open.

His heart beat faster. He knew something was wrong for sure. Quickly but quietly, he stepped inside of the house. Silently, he shut the door behind him, enveloping him in the orange semi-darkness of later afternoon. It hit him how long it had taken his to get to Karma's house. Class would have been over by this time.

Nagisa shook his thoughts away. His brain was trying to calm him down by making him think of normal things. But normal ended when he heard a muffled shout, a whimper, and the sound of a fist hitting a body.

Nagisa rushed to the stairs, climbing them two at a time, his head pounding, and adrenaline keeping him going. He was exhausted, but he cared for his friend too much to let fatigue wear him down. The sounds were coming from Karma's room.

Suddenly, all of the colors in the hall blurred, and the only thing he could see was the door. All sound was gone except for the dreadful noise of a whimper.

Nagisa charged for the door, and opened the door to the most horrifying thing he had ever witnessed.

A man had backed Karma onto the wall, and had his back towards Nagisa. His head whipped around when the creaking of the door opening gave away Nagisa's entrance. He shifted to face the small boy. And that when Karma was exposed to Nagisa's vision. A knife was stuck in his chest. Slowly, the stranger pulled it out, and Karma screamed. He pushed the man away, and made a mad dash for Nagisa, but he tripped and fell at Nagisa's feet.

He looked terrible. His eye was rimmed with a sickly purple color, and his lip was split. The blood had dried around his mouth. His hair was even more mussed than usual, and a bruise appeared to be forming on his cheek.

And, worst of all, Nagisa could see faint tear tracks on his face. It felt so wrong to him, his strong friend had been overpowered? What had happened to him that had made him lose, and even cry? Nagisa had never seen his courageous friend cry before.

"Help… me." Karma pleaded before his head lolled to the side, and he stilled.

A rushing sound filled Nagisa's ears as he stared at his best friend's form in front of him. Then his gaze was directed at the man with the knife. The knife was still dripping with blood that was too bright to be real. The expression on the man's face was calculating. And maybe a little maniacal.

But that expression changed real fast.

Nagisa felt bloodlust build up inside of him, and his breathing staggered. His eyes narrowed, and subconsciously he realized he could beat this man.

His glare morphed into a smile, so sweet and so childlike. And his feet moved on their own, and in a flash, he was right in front on Karma's attacker. He slipped the knife out of the terrified man's hand.

Smile never leaving his face, he slit the man's throat. He choked, hands flying for his neck. He collapsed as he drowned on his own blood. Nagisa's subconscious faintly registered how weak this man was, but he pushed the idea away.

Nagisa turned to face his best friend's body. He dropped to his knees and felt Karma's pulse. He was still alive.

But he was so pale.

Nagisa pulled out his phone and dialed for an ambulance.

"H-hi. My friend was st-stabbed. Please, help me." All his previous bravery was gone.

"Where are you?" He gave the address, and dropped his phone, the lump in his throat grew too large, and ugly sobs were torn from his throat. Tears rolled down his face, and splashed onto Karma's torso, which he was hovering over.

Still crying, he pulled Karma's head onto his lap and stroked his hair.

He told himself that Karma would be alright, that help was on the way. But that didn't stop him from praying for his friend's life. He rocked him in his lap.

When the ambulance arrived, the medics found a small blue-haired boy sobbing over his friend that was bleeding out.

"Karma-kun!" Nagisa's cries filled the air, adding a desperate tone to the already negative air in the ambulance.

Karma was taken in for immediate surgery. Nagisa was not allowed to stay with him. He was, unwillingly, guided to a waiting room, in which he finally fell silent. His tears stopped flowing.

His friend was injured, and he didn't know what had happened.

And Nagisa had killed a man.

 **A/N: Hey guys. Did you like it? Should I continue it? (Sorry if characters seem OOC, especially Karma, if I post again I'll explain). Oh, and sorry if I got anything wrong, I've only read part of the manga.**


	2. Dealing With the Pain

The Death of Restraint

Chapter 2

" _Bad things" do happen. And, just like their namesake, they're not good to deal with. Or easy. Not in any means. But it takes a lot of will, strength, and yes, even help, to recover._

The beeping of a monitor droned endlessly, and when the patient laying in the hospital bed woke up, that was all he could hear. His eyes were hard to open, and he winced. He reached his hand to his said, and felt the pain when his hand made contact.

Oh right, he had been stabbed.

Akabane Karma struggled to sit up, and groggily rubbed at his eyes. His face remained passive. But internally, he was sobbing and screaming. He was surprised the heart monitor wasn't picking up his distress, it wasn't increasing its dull sounds. But, then again, he was skilled at hiding his emotions.

He had been stabbed.

He attempted to recollect the events of the previous afternoon (or what he assumed was the previous day), but his mind seemed to be rejecting his request for memories. He recalled being stabbed, the sharp pain slicing at his torso, it was made obvious by the current pain and bandages that were on the wound.

But he could not recall the shadowy figure that was to blame for Karma's physical pain. His brain was shutting off those memories. He wondered why.

He heard the click of a door opening, and tilted his face towards the sound. A nurse had walked in, holding a clipboard. She smiled at him, saccharin sweet, and readied her pen to write on her clipboard.

"Hello, I am Nurse Sato, how are you feeling?" Her false smile remained perfectly plastered on her face the whole time she spoke. Karma knew how easy it was to chip that painted grin. But he figured it wouldn't do him any good to act up while under her care.

"How did I get here?" He decided to answer her question with one of his own that was bugging him.

"Your friend called an ambulance and you were rushed to the nearest hospital, which happened to be this one." She answered politely.

"What friend?" His brain wasn't quite adequate as of yet, and he was annoyed that he could not even remember who it was that had called.

"He left a little while ago, his mother wanted him home or something. Or at least I think he was a boy. He looked kind of girlish. Blue pigtails. He was wearing a school uniform, a boys' uniform, so I assumed he was one." She seemed to have just been rambling, but Karma had heard enough.

So Nagisa had come.

How come he couldn't remembered his friend being there for him? And why had he needed to be there again? Oh right, he'd been stabbed. By who?

The frustrated tornado of questions spun in his skull.

"Your heart rate is normal, blood pressure and breathing rate are good too." She continued to check on him until she affirmed his being healthy. Well, except for the knife wound. And his face, which was still bruised and a bit sore.

"You'd be able to be released, but no one has, uh, come to see you other than your blue-haired friend." Makes sense. His parents weren't around. "We called your mother, and your father, but neither picked up." Her eyebrows furrowed in what looked like frustration. She mumbled something about bad parenting, and then her fake smile returned.

"Well anyways, you need a legal guardian to sign your release as a minor. I'm sure they'll come soon." Karma doubted that statement.

The nurse left the room, and Karma was left by himself to struggle to remember the events that had led to him being stabbed.

Meanwhile, Nagisa was skipping class in favor of sitting in his room. His face was buried in his hands, covering his horrified expression. Ever since he had awoken in a hospital chair, his mind had been torturing him. He had swiftly left the hospital after seeing the missed calls and messages from his mother asking where he was. She had been angry that he hadn't come home the previous evening, but had let it go when he explained that his friend had been hurt. He had failed to explain what had happened to the attacker.

But he knew. He still felt the knife in his hand, not the flexible anti-Koro-sensei knives he practiced with in school, but a real one. One that could hurt a human. And it had. What had happened to stop that man? He had been killed too easily. How had he gotten Karma?

Then his mind caught up with his thoughts. A spasm tore through his body and he clamped his hands to his mouth, but the retching wouldn't stop. He rolled off of his bed onto his knees and vomited all over the floor. He continued to gag, and the smell of the bile he had thrown up hit his nose, increasing his heaving even more. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks and a strangled shout was ripped from his throat.

The blood on his hands was no longer visible, after having been scrubbed off tenfold, but it remained.

Nagisa had killed a man, and he was paying for it with his soul.

Karma was laying in his hospital bed, disregarding the tray of "food" that had been delivered to him earlier.

The torture of regaining memory raged on, and Karma decided to just ask someone what had happened.

He just needed to find someone that he could ask.

As of yet, no one had come to either visit or take him out of the hospital. Karma was getting bored with his own thoughts, or lack of, and staring at the blank white walls did nothing to cure his boredom.

He sighed heavily and bent his head back. Where was Nagisa? Was he at school? Karma realized he could text his friend… but he didn't know where his phone was.

He sat up and swung his legs off of the white bed. His bare feet skimmed the floor. Leaning into the cold ground, he stood up. His hospital gown brushed his leg.

He walked to the door and opened it. He peeked his head outside, searching for his nurse, when he saw a familiar face. His mother was having a conversation with a doctor. She looked angry. Her head turned and her eyes locked with Karma's. She stared for a minute, then blinked. She strode towards him, professional as always, and took in the sight of him.

He had fully opened the door, and was being scrutinized by his mother. She, like him, was talented in being emotionless.

But her calm demeanor slipped when she suddenly took him into her arms. It was brief, and seconds later she had removed her arms from around him, but they hadn't hugged in such a long time. It felt nice.

"We've come to take you out." She informed him curtly. Footsteps tapped in the hallway, and Karma's father appeared, holding a bag. Upon seeing his wife and son, he headed over.

"Here are some clothes. Be quick changing, your mother and I do have to return to work and you to class. Eventually" He handed Karma the bag. He took it, and nodded thanks. He turned to head back into the room when his father stopped him. His father looked older.

"We're glad you're okay, son." There were no smiles, but it meant the world to Karma.

After changing into normal clothes, he looked around the hospital room for any personal belongings. Where was his phone?

He walked out of the plain room and looked around for his parents. His mother was on the phone. When he walked to her, she handed him his. He let her finish her conversation, assuming that it was work related, and unlocked his own phone. There were three unchecked messages from Nagisa.

 **Yesterday:**

 **Nagisa: Are you okay?**

 **Nagisa: Karma, answer me.**

 **Nagisa: I'm getting worried, tell me you're alright. Please.**

He thought that thanking Nagisa through text wasn't good enough, so he decided to tell him at school the following day.

Later, Karma's parents had left on business trips _again_ , and he was alone. Karma felt uneasy at being by himself. Would someone else attack him? Who would save him next? His thoughts made him feel queasy and he felt his pulse. His heart was racing. Akabane Karma was scared.

He slept downstairs that night. He had brought a knife with him. At first, he had hesitated seeing the weapon, but then annoyance had flooded through him and he warned himself to not be cowardly. So he slept with a knife clutched in his right hand.

If an outsider were to see him sleep, they would have been concerned by the sheen of sweat covering his body and the ragged breaths he took during his nightmare.

Karma woke up from his plagued dreams feeling sticky. He checked his phone for the time. School would start in about half an hour. He begrudgingly got up and went through his daily routine. Unease still prodded at him, but he pushed it aside.

When he finally reached Class E perched on a mountain, he was nearly an hour late. He walked into his class as confidently as he could, and interrupted a teaching session from Koro-sensei.

"Hey there, octopus. Miss me?" Heads turned so fast in his direction it resembled a scene from a manga.

"Karma, so glad you could join us after two days." Karma wondered why Koro-sensei made no remark of him being late that day.

His classmates surrounded him, asking if he was okay. The only person he couldn't find was the only one he wanted to.

"Where's Nagisa?" His question hung in the air for a moment. The students had quieted.

Sugino spoke up first. "He hasn't been to school. He didn't answer my texts, either."

"Or mine or Kayano's." Nakamura added.

"We're worried about him. We went to his house, but his mother told us to go away." Kayano continued.

Expressions around the room varied from nonchalant to worried to angry. They all cared for Nagisa, and the fact that he had been gone from school, hadn't been answering his texts, and his mother hadn't claimed illness of any sort made them all very worried.

What had happened to Shiota Nagisa?

He was lying in a pool of his own vomit. His eyes were empty. He had long since stopped crying. He didn't deserve to cry.

His mother had walked in on the sight, and, instead of trying to help her son, she simply walked out, too disturbed to offer comfort. It was a decision she'd live to regret.

"Nagisa, honey, I'm going to the store." Shiota Hiromi shouted to her daughter. She was troubled. Her daughter was clearly feeling down. Maybe some good food would cheer her up. Hiromi's glassy eyes mustered up images of her little girl smiling.

It was maybe an hour after his mother had left when Nagisa finally raised himself from his floor. Stiffly he walked to the bathroom to clean himself up. His reflection was unrecognizable. The skin under his eyes was swollen, red and puffy. Tear tracks ran vertically across his face. His lips were dry and chapped. His hair had come out of the pigtails and was knotted and slightly frayed. His already pale skin now looked ghostly.

Nagisa looked away from the mirror and proceeded to deal with his appearance. Then he changed from his vomit-stained clothes into something clean.

He walked down the stairs to the main level of his home. The sound of the television pulled him in and he reached for the remote to turn it off when he saw what was playing. It was a news station.

"…about a recent stabbing. Akabane Karma, a middle schooler at Kunugigaoka Junior High School was stabbed by a man named Inoue Akihiro. Inoue was confirmed deceased at the scene of the crime. Officials have yet to report the cause of death.

Inoue worked at a local grocery shop, and was married with two children. Their names aren't being released to the public, but they did an interview with our on-scene reporter."

The camera cut to two little girls hanging onto a woman. All three looked as if they had been crying. The microphone was held to the littler of the two girls.

"My mommy says- says that d-daddy did a b-bad thing. M-maybe he d-did but _why did he have to die?_ " The girl wailed. Her tears refreshed and the camera was hurriedly refocused on the newscaster.

"We'll have more on this story later…" But Nagisa had stopped listening. His hands clutched his stomach and curled over, pressing his forehead into the floor.

A horrendous fog clouded his mind as, once again, Nagisa screamed in agony.

 _Why did he have to die?_


	3. Not Dealing With the Pain

The Death of Restraint

Chapter 3

 _How to deal with self-hate? Everyone has their own methods. But some good advice is to seek help. Dealing with this without help can lead to further emotional, and physical, damage._

Nagisa's screams died out into pathetic whimpers.

 _Why did he have to die?_

He laid still on the floor, curled in upon himself, clutching his churning stomach. The urge to vomit had returned, and Nagisa didn't feel like getting up.

What was the matter with him? Was it because he killed that man? He and his class were already plotting the demise of their teacher. Their target. His death was inevitable should they want to save the planet. Why was this man's death different? It was the same thing- he had to save Karma.

But saving Karma, and seeing his friend alive, was not enough for Nagisa to forget the feeling of raking that knife against another human being's throat. Or the lack of hesitation it took to get there.

Karma was at his house, wondering what he should do about Nagisa. Something was wrong with him, that was undeniable, but what?

He had gotten homework from Koro-sensei, but he didn't feel like doing it, rather he decided to zone off and turn on the television. What came on was a news channel. It was reporting the stabbing of a middle schooler. Karma recognized the story.

"We have no witness statements, nor have we heard from the victim, whose name shall not be released. We do know, however, that the man who stabbed the middle schooler is reportedly deceased. He was killed by another unreleased name who seems to be a friend of the victim. The criminal's name was Inoue Akihiro, who had a wife and two children whose first names aren't being released to the public either.

The reason for the stabbing is unknown, but leads have been discovered by officials. Those leads are not going public until proven. Our next story is about…"

Inoue Akihiro. The name on his tongue, Karma ran to his room which had a computer in it. He researched the name. The latest news story came up, along with theories. One website contained a mini-biography.

 **Inoue Akihiro** **, recently deceased and previously a grocery shop employee, was guilty of assaulting a middle schooler for unknown reasons. His elder brother,** **Inoue Atsuya** **, is the successor to their father** **Inoue Hisashi** **'s grocery chain business. While having no other criminal actions on his record, Inoue does have a history of mental illness. His wife reported that he was having a hard time coping with his father's death.**

Inoue Akihiro. Karma rolled the name on his tongue. That was the man that stabbed him. A small chill ran through him. Mental illness. Karma wasn't one to judge, but that fact about his assailant surprised him. The man had seemed perfectly fine when he was holding that knife.

Karma took a sharp intake of breath. He was remembering. He clutched his head, trying to erase his newly regained memories. He was Akabane Karma. He was a fearless psycho with an idea always up his sleeve. But for some reason, the fear that had settled in his chest remained.

Koro-sensei was concerned about his students. Karma was attacked and, while appearing brave and unaffected in class, that was an ordeal that could be hard to handle. Karma's parents had called Karasuma and informed him of the incident, who in turn filled in Koro-sensei. They had also said that Nagisa was with Karma when he was taken to the hospital and the two had been found with the deceased attacker. It didn't take a genius to guess what had happened.

Nagisa had killed the man. Koro-sensei, as a former assassin, knew that taking one's life was no small incident. He pondered about how Nagisa was doing. He hadn't come to school in the past few days. Koro-sensei had heard a few of his students conversing over visiting their blue-haired friend. He decided that checking up on the boy was a good idea.

Using his mach-20 speed, he flew to Nagisa's dwelling in seconds. Then he remembered what he looked like and zipped back for his disguise and was right back at the doorstep. He knocked on the door, waiting for Nagisa's mother or Nagisa himself, which was preferable to his mother, who was quite an _interesting_ character.

He waited for someone to come to the door, but his patience seemed to be in vain. The door remained unopen and Koro-sensei's questions remained unanswered. He knocked again, and this time, Nagisa opened the door.

"Koro-sensei! What are you doing here?" He looked surprised, his blue eyes widening.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, Nagisa. You are my student." Koro-sensei's face remained passive, not that it would make a difference if he wasn't good at suppressing his outward emotions.

"I'm fine, there's no need to worry about me." Nagisa kept his voice even and a smile looked genuinely positioned on his face. But Koro-sensei was good at sensing things people were hiding.

"Are you okay?" Nagisa's façade slipped the tiniest bit before it was put back up again, but it was enough to ensure Koro-sensei that his pupil was not alright.

"Of course." He was lying through his teeth.

"Then why have you not been at school, your peers are beginning to worry." He felt the need to press for information. Unfortunately, his clever student had an excuse at the ready.

"My mother wanted me to stay home; she was worried about the incident. I'll be coming to school soon, once she's reassured." That practiced grin was convincing, but not convincing enough.

"Alright, then. I will see you in class soon, Nagisa." He turned to leave.

"Thank you for checking on me, Koro-sensei." Nagisa said before closing the door.

When Nagisa had heard the bell ring, he panicked. He was in no state to receive visitors. He rushed to his room and peeked out the window. It was Koro-sensei in his poor Karasuma disguise. Nagisa checked his image in the mirror; the skin under his eyes was red and puffy. He grabbed a washcloth and wetted it, then pressed it against his skin. He then searched for his mother's concealer and applied some to the area. He checked himself. He looked normal. He fixed his hair and headed to open the door.

He feigned surprise when the door revealed Koro-sensei. Throughout his questioning, Nagisa kept a smile plastered on his face. He was fine, there was nothing wrong. When Koro-sensei finally left, he couldn't help but thank his teacher for being concerned with him, so unlike his mother. He needed help, he knew it, but he could not seek it. For he did not believe anyone would be able to do so for him.

Nagisa let the smile crumble easily. He was not okay.

Later that evening, Nagisa's phone buzzed with a text from Karma. He read the message. It chilled him.

 **Karma: Help me**

Nothing followed that for several minutes. Those turned into several more. Nagisa started to worry. What had happened now? Had he been attacked? Nagisa didn't think he could- could do _it_ again. But despite his lack of want to go to help his friend, he knew he must.

His mother still wasn't home. He snuck out his door, but it wasn't really sneaking as much as plainly walking through the door. He made his way the train station that would take him to Karma's neighborhood. This gave him some bad memories, so he simply closed his eyes until it was announced that the train had reached his stop.

Once at the Akabane residence, Nagisa tentatively tried the door handle first. It was locked. Nagisa took this as a good sign. He rang the bell.

A few quick seconds went by before the sound of a lock being unlatched was heard and Karma was in the doorway. He looked normal. He stepped aside and ushered for Nagisa to enter.

Nagisa was never fond of Karma's house, but now more than ever he was at the brink of not being able to tolerate it.

"Are you okay, Karma-kun?" There was no response from the recipient of the question.

"Why do I keep carrying a knife around?" He started quiet, near a whisper, "Why do I keep sleeping downstairs rather than in my own room?" His voice grew desperate, fearful.

"Why am I still so afraid?" And then something Nagisa didn't expect to happen… happened. Akabane Karma began to cry. It was ugly, and pitiful and Nagisa just stared in shock. But then he snapped out of his stupor and wrapped his short arms around his tall redheaded friend and tried to soothe him best he could.

Even the strong could look weak.

 **A/N: Thank you so much to all my readers! I know that they are out of character, but they have been through a bad situation so I would think it makes sense. If you have liked this story or followed it, I am eternally in your debt ~thank you! I'll probably post some happier story sometime soon, a one-shot, probably. Anyways, thanks again for reading this much of my awful writing. (Suggestions are appreciated). – Your Satanic butterfly**


	4. Help and Harm

**Warning: offensive remarks. Please do not get offended. If you get offended easily, read at your own risk and do not blame me.**

 _Sometimes, it is necessary to put others' pain before one's own._

Nagisa lay in his room staring up at his ceiling. The events of that night still lingered within his head.

He had never seen Karma cry. He recalled the tall boy sobbing into his shoulder, how petrified he had seemed. His best friend had been suffering, and Nagisa had been too self-absorbed to see it. Before Karma had rung, Nagisa had… well, he had written a suicide note. He wasn't sure if he would ever need it, but now he knew for sure he didn't.

He couldn't kill himself when there was still someone who needed him. It would be selfish and cowardly, and Nagisa, though small and admittedly weak, was not a coward.

He would be there for Karma. And, maybe, Karma would be there for him in return.

Nagisa's mind wandered to his friend's face. Normally smug, last night it had looked so broken. Karma was strong, so strong to hold in all that fear. Nagisa could not imagine feeling like he could die inside of his own house.

With such thoughts spinning around, Nagisa closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

…

Karma was embarrassed. Had he really broken down in front of Nagisa? It was weak, and he didn't like it. Enraged, he starting throwing things in his sitting room. He let out a frustrated shout. Still seething, he stomped up to his room. His anger receded when a familiar feeling coiled inside of his stomach. He… he could do this. Sleep in his own room. Akabane Karma was brave, and he would. He had already gotten ready to sleep after Nagisa had left.

He was grateful. Nagisa hadn't said anything about his breakdown, just comforted him. And Karma vowed to do the same for his small friend. He had seen Nagisa's change in attitude and learning what had happened the day he had been attacked helped him to realize that his friend, his _best_ friend, was hating himself. And Karma didn't that for him.

He cautiously sat on his bed. He shifted so he was laying face-up. His breathing was irregular. He willed himself to make it through the night. He thought of Nagisa and his bravery, and eventually managed to be taken into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

In the morning he looked around. He was in his own room and he was fine. He was okay. He let out a bitter laugh.

He prepared himself for school, then remembered it was Saturday. He sighed.

He contemplated what he could do for the day. He settled on asking to hang out with Nagisa. He called the blue-haired boy. He listened to it ring. He heard a click, and then Nagisa's voice came through.

"What?" He sounded tired, as if he had just woken up.

"Did I wake you up, sleeping beauty?" He teased.

"Oh, Karma-kun. What's up?" That made Karma's mouth twitch up. Fondness for his friend welled up inside of him.

"You busy today?" There was no reply for a moment, Nagisa was probably trying to recall if he had something to do.

"No. My mom's gone, she left this morning and won't be back for a while."

"Where'd she go?" Another pause.

"I don't know." Karma frowned. He wondered where Hiromi could be.

"Can I come over?"

"Sure! That's be nice. It's been a bit since you came over. You can come whenever." He sounded happier. This made Karma feel better.

"Alright, see you soon." He hung up. He smiled to himself. They were going to be okay. Right?

A while later, Karma had departed his house and arrived at Nagisa's. He had made sure to lock the door behind him this time, after all, that was the reason for his attack in the first place.

He knocked on the door, and after a few seconds, it swung open to reveal the small teen that was Karma's best friend.

He greeted him, and Nagisa invited him in. Karma disliked Nagisa's house. But that was probably only because he hated Nagisa's mother. She was an awful woman who made her son dress as a girl. It was apparent to anyone who saw their interactions that Karma and Hiromi hated each other. (Karma could tell that the feeling was mutual by the way she glowered at him).

They headed up to Nagisa's room. It was dark. Karma drew open Nagisa's shutters.

"It needed some light." Nagisa shrugged, agreeing with him.

The two of them talked for a bit. Then Nagisa started complaining about homework, so Karma attempted to explain it to him, not having done it, but knowing it all the same.

After doing the best that they could with his homework, the two of them moved on to chatting again. They kept it light and airy until Karma saw a faraway look in Nagisa's bright blue eyes.

"Nagisa… are you okay?" Nagisa looked surprised for a split second, but he covered it up and slipped on a smile.

"Of course. Excuse me, I've got to go to the bathroom." He stood up and vacated the room, leaving Karma with his suspicion.

Nagisa rushed to the bathroom and locked the door. He breathed heavily. He ran some cold water on his face. He didn't know why Karma's question hit him this hard. Everyone had been asking him the same thing. Nagisa thought it was… maybe… because Karma meant more to him. Nagisa blushed at his own train of thoughts.

Karma was just his best friend. Yeah, that was all. Karma mattered more because they were close friends. Friends.

He sighed.

Karma, on the other hand, was waiting for Nagisa's return. The short boy had been acting weirdly, and even though he had said he was fine, Karma wasn't buying it. He decided to do some snooping around. It was an invasion of privacy, but Karma cared more abut his friend's safety.

He looked under his bed, in his closet, and on his desk. (He vaguely registered that Nagisa had been in the bathroom for a while, but it wasn't his top priority at the moment). Finally, his gaze shifted to Nagisa's bookshelf. He removed some books from the middle of each row, and felt around with his hand. On the third shelf down, his hand brushed against a piece of paper.

He grabbed it, and pulled it out. It was folded. He unfolded it, and was met with a horrific sight.

It was a letter. Addressed to Nagisa's mother. Karma began to read it, disregarding Nagisa's confidentiality.

Dear mother,

I love you. I truly do. Please don't blame yourself, because it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's.

Now that I'm gone, I beg of you to move on. If you have trouble sleeping, think of how much happier I am now, and hug your pillow.

But then forget about me. It won't be all that hard, I'm not really something to be dwelled on.

If you're starting to have trouble reading this, have Karma-kun read it for you. He's brave. I don't have too many regrets leaving this world. I just wish we'd had more time together. I should have told you I loved you more, mom.

And, Karma, you were are my best friend. I'm so glad I got to have someone like you around. I wasn't really planning on telling you, but if I'm to go, I might as well. I love you, Karma.

Please forget me.

Nagisa.

By the time he had finished reading the letter, his hands were shaking, and hot tears had slipped down his cheeks. He was angry, and heartbroken, and he felt love for the small boy. Sorrow, regret, and disappointment in himself was what he felt.

"Sorry I took so long, I-" Nagisa stopped when he saw Karma holding the note.

"What is this?" Karma choked out, his voice dangerously low. Fear creeped into Nagisa's eyes, as well as guilt.

'It's not- I…" he looked away, unable to finish any sentences he had started to formulate.

"What the hell is this?! Is this a _suicide note?!_ What were you thinking?!" Karma yelled. His eyes burned with fury. He strode over to the small boy and grabbed his shoulders. He shook him as hard as he could.

"Answer me! Nagisa!" Nagisa whimpered in pain, but Karma ignored him. He shoved the small boy to the ground. He stormed out of the room.

"Karma!" Nagisa cried. Karma froze, halfway out of the door. "Please don't leave me." Karma choked. Crying again? Karma shook his head.

"How could you do that?" He turned to look at Nagisa, who was still curled on the ground.

"I'm- I'm sorry. I wrote it over before you, well, before you broke down. But I couldn't destroy it. I'm sorry, sorry! Sorry! So sorry!" He cried the word out and Karma looked horrified. He crouched next to the sobbing boy and hugged him. They sat there and cried together.

Karma vowed to stay with Nagisa for as long as he needed. He loved him, and would protect him, even from himself. They sat in silence for a while.

This terrifying situation was coming to what looked like an end. It would be a bumpy road, recovery. But the two of them could do it. Together.

And just like the sun always rises after a long night, things started to get better.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! No, the story is not over yet. But I think the next chapter might be the last. Thanks to all of you who read this far, I appreciate it. Things will get lighter from here, less angst. I'm sorry if this was hard to read for some of you. ~Your satanic butterfly. Also, thank you to the guest who left that really nice review!**


	5. Confessions

**A/N: And we come to the conclusion of this short story. Thank you for reading this! This chapter will be** _ **much**_ **lighter than the previous chapters (I like happy endings, call me basic, but whatever). Oh and I have a hard time remembering which honorifics everyone used for one another so sorry if that's wrong.**

 _Stars cannot shine without darkness, and the sun cannot rise if there was nothing to rise from._

Hiromi had come home to find her daughter- son- with her least favorite of her- his- friends.

Nagisa had explained the situation, and Karma helped him. Hiromi was shocked. She sobbed shamelessly, and the three of them grew closer out of their pain.

A few weeks passed. Nagisa had gotten a psychiatrist. He was going to school every day, he was happy.

Karma was still a bit on edge, but was no longer plagued by the fear of being attacked again.

He and Nagisa were traveling the rocky road of recovery together, and they were healing.

Their issues were solved. Well… all except for one.

Karma knew Nagisa loved him, and Karma loved him too. But how to say it? Karma knew he had to make the first move, assuming his blue-haired love interest would be too insecure to step up. Plus, Karma was the one that knew both of their feelings.

Karma decided to ask one of his fellow E Class students for advice. He realized later how bad of an idea that was, but at the moment he just needed some help.

He was going to ask Kayano, but decided against it (it was obvious she had a crush on Nagisa too). Nakamura was crossed off of his list, there were no secrets withheld from her. Sugino was Nagisa's best male friend other than himself, and Karma resolved to speak with him.

During one of their lunch breaks, Karma approached the baseball player.

"Hey, Akabane, what's up?" Sugino tilted his head towards the tall redhead.

"I need your help."

…

"You're _in love_ with Nagisa?!" Sugino looked like he was going to collapse.

"Sshh! Not so loud!" He quieted the navy-haired boy. Sugino grinned.

"I knew you were gay!" Karma turned slightly pink.

"Just… what would Nagisa like? I don't know how to… confess." Sugino looked taken aback.

"You mean you don't know? All Nagisa would want is a straightforward confession." Sugino smiled softly. "He's loved you for a while." This made Karma's heart swell, but he didn't let it show.

"So, you're saying don't plan ahead? Just… tell him?" Sugino nodded.

"Alright… uhm… thanks, then." Karma left Sugino in the dugout of the baseball field.

When Karma had departed, Sugino let an evil grin work onto his face. Oh, Karma was going to be in for it at school tomorrow…

…

Nagisa smiled softly at his reflection. Things were going up for him. The bags under his eyes were gone and he was looking much happier, no longer pale and violently bare-faced. He finally felt peaceful, and it was blissful to not hate himself. And it was really all thanks to Karma.

Just thinking of Karma made Nagisa blush. The redheaded boy was all Nagisa could dream of, and all he wanted to.

He heard his mother call from downstairs that he was going to be late for school. He hurried down the stairs, tucking his blue hair into the pigtails. When he got downstairs, his mother was there and he saw a dress folded in her arms. His heart sank.

"How do you like this dress, Nagisa?" She held it up to her body. "I'm going to wear it today." Nagisa's eyes widened, and he felt tears forming.

"You'd look great in it, mom." She smiled at him, then, remembering the time, rushed him out the door to go to school.

…

Karma was stressed. He was on his way to E Class, and his heart was racing at the thought of confessing to Nagisa. He didn't understand why he was so anxious- he already knew that Nagisa loved him back. But it still felt like he didn't know, and his own feelings were the only ones bottled up.

He ran his hand through his hair. He told himself to calm down. He took a few deep breaths. He'd be fine… right?

Once at school, he saw Kayano walking up the mountain a few meters ahead of him.

He walked up to her, and she turned to look at him. Immediately, a grin spread across her face.

"Good luck!" Then she ran up the mountain, giggling, and leaving Karma confused.

…

That was not the only strange interaction he had before class even started. Sugino had winked at him, Maehara had laughed, Isogai had wished him luck as well, and Nakamura had said: "Bet you he's cute in bed too." Karma didn't need all those hints to understand what was going on. They all knew he was confessing to Nagisa. Well, secrets didn't really stay secret in E Class, did they?

When the time came for class to actually start, Nagisa wasn't there. Karma looked around. And… so was everyone else. When Koro-sensei tried to start class, Nakamura shouted.

"Don't interrupt us! We're trying to make our ship canon, you stupid octopus!" Koro-sensei then proceeded to pout in the corner mumbling about how he knew his students were going to betray him someday.

However, Nagisa wasn't there for a good ten minutes. When the ten-minute mark was passed, Karma sprang up.

"I'm going to look for him." He announced and he heard a few whistles as he exited.

He walked briskly down the mountain, telling himself he totally wasn't worried about Nagisa.

He was almost completely down, when, at the bottom, he saw the backs of two boys from the main building. Behind them he could barely make out blue hair. Their conversation drifted back to him.

"What's a cute girl like you doing in E Class?" Said one.

"Yeah, and why are you wearing a boys' uniform? You'd look much better in a skirt." One of them reached for Nagisa, and that was when Karma spoke up.

"What are you two buffoons doing so far away from the main building? Did you get lost? If not… I can make that happen." He cracked his knuckles, and tried to look as crazy as possible. He saw their nervous expressions. Then one of them whispered something to other about 'the troublemaker of E Class' and they ran away, probably to class.

Karma smiled and walked over to Nagisa. He looked relieved.

"Thanks, Karma-kun." Karma frowned.

"No honorifics." Nagisa blushed. Nagisa then started to head up to class, but Karma grabbed his arm.

"There's something I need to tell you." Nagisa looked up at him with his big blue eyes.

"You know I read your… your suicide note," they both flinched, "and it said something that surprised me. Do you… do you love me, Nagisa?" He looked shocked.

"I-I meant o-only as m-my b-best f-friend, th-that's all!" He tried to cover it up. Karma glared at him menacingly.

"Don't lie to me." Nagisa looked away. He mumbled something.

"What?" Karma asked, pressing the boy farther.

"I said 'yes,' okay?!" He looked angry and embarrassed. His head was down; he was looking at the ground like he wanted to murder it.

"Good." Nagisa froze and looked up to meet Karma's eyes.

"Wha-?" But his question was interrupted by Karma pressing his lips against the smaller boy's. It was clumsy, a quick peck, but it happened. Nagisa, if possible, turned even redder, and a faint blush appeared on Karma's cheeks too.

"Ah! Sorry…" Karma rubbed his neck. Then, in a manner totally unlike him, Nagisa grabbed Karma's face and kissed him hard. Karma wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's waist, and Nagisa slung his arms around the redhead's neck.

Unbeknownst to the pair of them, the entire class was watching from the trees. Some of them were squealing, Kayano looked disappointed, Okuda too, but they'd get over it. Karma and Nagisa had been through a lot together, and they deserved to be happy.

And they would be. They were still recovering, but they had each other to help along the way. It was the beginning of their life together.

And the death of their restraint.

End.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! This was the last chapter guys, so hope you liked it. I'd love it if you'd check out my other stories, and suggestions are appreciated.**

 **I know that I could have had Nagisa say "Oka-san" for Hiromi, but I'm lazy and I forgot if he did that.**

 **Also, all grammatical errors are mine as I have no beta reader.**

 **I'm a sucker for happy endings, so hope you liked this one!**

 **Bye!**

 **~Your satanic butterfly.**


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